Unmasked & Unapologetic

There are days when the smallest task feels like standing at the bottom of a mountain.

I can see the top clearly — it’s just sending that email, starting that report, folding the washing. Simple, right? But somehow, my feet won’t move. My brain knows what needs to happen, but it’s like someone has cut the rope between knowing and doing.

It’s a strange kind of stuck. On the outside, I might look like I’m doing nothing. But inside? I’m climbing a thousand mental mountains — thinking, worrying, planning, and guilt-tripping myself for not moving. I tell myself, “Just start, just do one thing.”

But the starting part feels like the hardest thing in the world.

People often think procrastination is about laziness or lack of willpower. But for me, it’s more like paralysis. My ADHD brain wants to go, but it’s waiting for a spark — that magic hit of motivation, dopamine, or urgency to flip the switch from being to doing.

And when that switch finally flips — oh, it’s a rush. Suddenly, I’m halfway up the mountain, flying through everything I couldn’t even look at earlier. Focused, fast, almost unstoppable. It feels amazing… until I crash and wonder why I couldn’t have started sooner.

But here’s what I’m learning: it’s not my fault that the first step is hard. My mountain might be invisible, but it’s real. And the climb from stillness to action takes effort most people never have to think about.

These days, I try to be gentler with myself. Sometimes I make the steps smaller — like, ridiculously small. “Open the laptop.” “Write the title.” “Just start badly.”

Sometimes I ask a friend to sit with me while I work — that quiet accountability can make all the difference.

And sometimes, I just remind myself that being is okay too. That rest and pause aren’t failures; they’re part of how I work.

Because even when my mountain feels steep, I know I’ll get there — one small, imperfect, messy step at a time ♥️